Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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