Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
