My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
