So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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