the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
