doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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