when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
