grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
