I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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