I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
