so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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