i already hear my dad disowning me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
