My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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