I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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