Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
