so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
