her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
