Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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