we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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