Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
