dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
