i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
