i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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