how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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