Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
