All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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