That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
