wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
