I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
