he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The beer is more important than you right now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
