Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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