you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
