Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I could make wine with my vomit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
