FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
