So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
