is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
