i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
