carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
