just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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