So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
