Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
