READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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