Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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