Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
