Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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