i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
