You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
