Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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