bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
