im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
