Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
