apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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