you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
