is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
