The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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