i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
