Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
