So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
